Meet The Spartans

After Epic Movie, I really wasn’t expecting much from Meet The Spartans. Surely a hideous, badly-made, laughter-devoid film such as Epic Movie couldn’t spawn a sequel remotely amusing or competent?

My expectations were pretty much correct.

Admittedly, Meet The Spartans isn’t as unfunny as it’s painfully retarded older brother. Not that I’m calling it amusing, by any means, but less reliance on copying other people’s work and replacing the word ‘Narnia’ with ‘Kazakhstan’ has to be a good thing. This travesty of a ‘comedy’ actually contains some jokes, if you define joke as putting a garbage disposal button on 300’s pit of death and kicking people into it for over five minutes. Hyuck hyuck.

As far as performance goes, it’s a case of down on their luck actors capitalising on their glory days. Kevin Sorbo’s turn as the Captain will make any Hercules fan weep inside, and the constant drawing of attention to his mythic past is like salt in a pustule-ridden wound. Carmen Electra plays a whore-queen, Ken Davitian (Borat) again gets naked as Xerxes. The supporting cast are obviously related to people who know the casting agents, because they're the parasites on the back of this dying vermin of a film, especially the girl that 'plays' Paris Hilton. It’s as no-brainer as the target audience. The only genuinely good work is Sean Maguire as Leonidas, who could have been destined for bigger and better things before this travesty was added to his resume.

Everything about this movie is insulting to anyone possessing a complete brain cell. Let’s face it, calling the Spartans from 300 gay wasn’t particularly insightful in the first place, so making an entire movie about the observation only serves to heighten the blatantly offensive stupidity possessed by most of the people who shelled out their $13. Not to mention the recurring song-and-dance scenes passed down from Epic Movie which are interminable, unfunny, and stretch out the running time to the required and excruciating 80 minutes. The sets look cheap, the costumes presumably fell off the back of the Salvo’s truck, and any attempts at special effects were probably knocked up by directors/writers/arseholes Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer during a drunken night in front of MSPaint. Not to mention the constant product placement.

In essence, Meet the Spartans is a bad movie, by no-talent ass-clowns, for people who think fart jokes are highbrow. Enjoy.